you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
