new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
