drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
