Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
