There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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