she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
