you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He uses pillows to masturbate.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
