The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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