Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
