I wish I could punch you in the face.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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