Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
