Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
