i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Randomize
