Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
