Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
