I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
