Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
