he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
