I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
