My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
