My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We're too hungover to prance.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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