saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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