I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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