can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
this just has baby written all over it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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