Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you will always have a special place in my vag
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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