she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
