if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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