Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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