i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
