He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We have started to decorate penises.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
