Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
