1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
