If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
