You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
