You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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