I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
