And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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