Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
