i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
