sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize
