Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
