why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just google imaged poop.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
jump out the window naked night went bad
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