Im at strip club and am horny
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
