fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
A+ Viking dick
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
