I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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