all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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