If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
