The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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