maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
