Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just want to make out with him forever
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
