After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
