I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
