I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize