he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
