I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
