I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
