Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
