I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
