When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize