My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize