Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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