AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
