My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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