I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Randomize
