Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
