This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
