you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
