i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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