I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
