Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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