You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
