i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
