The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
