just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
