We need to rekindle our bromance
Don't EVER smell your tampon
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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