i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
