Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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