i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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