Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize