Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
