he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
