So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
