Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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