Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
