I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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