So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
