I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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