i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
