Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
