If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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