ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
