hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
