happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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