We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
